A loner’s pursuit for happiness !

I have been living practically alone for the past more than 10 years. I think I am a loner, I dont need people around me to live or more importantly to be happy. I was asked if being a loner do I feel lonely. Gave a thought to the question and I think yes even though I am a loner I do get lonely, infact a lot sometimes. After a lot of introspection I realised I wasnt a loner till sometime back, yes I feel I had someone or the other around me always, even though I was living alone I was not alone. But the past year or so life has changed, by change I mean drastically changed. At one time I used to trust people blindly, almost everyone I knew or even met I trusted them. But now I think its kind of difficult for me to do so, circumstances do change people. I dont think anyone is responsible for this, its been entirely my own doings which somehow led me here, my doings which happened probably unknowingly and unwantedly. I have this strange thing in me that I dont remember the bad in people, I forget the bad and remember the good. I know it sounds unrealistic but its true. I forgive people more than people forgive me. Well actually people dont get much opportunity to forgive me, I have never tried to intentionally hurt anyone in life, yes I mean it and I can even state it on affidavit (I am actually not as bad as I appear). There have been instances when I did hurt people but it was never that I wanted it to happen.

I kind of always wondered that if I dont do bad for others why do others do bad to me. But then I realised that this is how you supposed to live, think of your own good and not of others. Its YOU who matters and not others. Does it really work that way? Maybe, but definitely not for me. I always believed that the bad is a part of good, good can not exist on its own. It is the bad that makes the good so good. So maybe the bad that happens is also for the good, there is something lying beyond the horizon which can shine even in front of the shiniest shine.

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2 thoughts on “A loner’s pursuit for happiness !

  1. You have worded my thoughts exactly. Going thru personal turbulence due to my ‘goodness’ and i have no one to blame but myself for being good..blindly!! yet i do not regret it..even though it kinda hurts.

    Anu

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