Category: Life

The people revolution.

I was recently talking to someone from Tunisia and could feel a distinct happiness in her voice. The happiness of getting an identity of being from a free country. It was the joy of being independent from a corrupt head of the state for whom ruling was more of a play than a profession. I thought of the time when we got free, the moment which defined the lives of all of us to a big extent.

The Jasmine revolution was a bold step taken by the Tunisians to throw a man who has ruled them for more than 20 years. A revolution in an Arab nation itself was a far sighted dream. Thereby paving the path to the change in the Arabic world order, a change which can wipe off a lot of stigma attached to that part of the world and bringing it more closer to the rest of the world.

The Jasmine revolution has already spilled over to the other countries and expectedly should lead to a fall of power in Egypt very soon.

I was wondering if this revolution is just the beginning of a new world order. Would the revolution bring down the dictators, dynasties and governments which have been exploiting their countries to death? Would we see the fall of the military Junta in Myanmar and the change of regime in China? Will there be a change of dynamic in the over exploited African Nations?

I was then thinking that the people who revolted in Tunisia and those revolting in Egypt did not belong to a political group. They were people like me and most of us who are not politically connected. They didn’t start the revolution on the behest of any political party or a leader. The people revolting in Egypt still don’t have a leader, they are just looking for a change of the tyrannic regime. Can we in India ever revolt against the government or an establishment without a political inclination or without the support of some political party. Can we have a people revolution?

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Loosing my twitter virginity..

Image representing Twitter as depicted in Crun...
Image via CrunchBase

I was with my family for a change on the New Year Eve in 2009, yes for a change because on NYE I had always been with my friends. The reason was the screwed up life I was facing, it was at its lowest best. I was optimistic and tried to believe that there is no further low that life can achieve so its time to see the light in the gloom. So spending time with family was the best option, they always appreciate you and make you feel lively.

This post is not about my low life or the 2009 NYE, it’s about my hooking up with twitter. So as I was home my brother was trying to tease me for being active and known on this cool community known as Twitter. I told him even I had an account and tried to tell him that the bloody thing sucks. Yes I had an account, which I had opened sometime in June 2009 after all the twitter buzz in the media. Sent some random tweets and sat back hoping that people would reply to my tweets, without realising that it was not a chat channel. With no responses I made myself believe that the whole jing bang on the media is a paid promotion of the website and this thing does nothing but Suck. The account was abandoned.

So I told my brother that there was nothing to feel proud about being active on some frivolous website. He asked me what was my handle, I was like WHAT? Then was told that the id on twitter is known as Handle. Hmm ok, yes the sucky website had its own lingo. Told him the handle was Karmic @KarmicThoughts. Nothing Bond about it.

Why @KarmicThoughts? I was thinking of keeping it @alwaysready till i realised it sounded more like the handle of a whore . Thought and thought till I noticed that I am saintly and an ardent believer of karma, so my thoughts would be karmic thoughts. Saintly? Well apparently my name was also the name of some ancient famous saint. Senseless? I know, and now no more questions about my handle.

It was the night of 29th December, with no friends and a few bot followers my Twitter account was almost Virgin. Almost as it had indulged in some one-sided foreplay before. My brother @kp1200 added me and screamed out loud on his timeline, MEET MY BROTHER, FOLLOW HIM. Then he asked me to check my account and start the journey. I checked my Timeline and saw it blank as always, was then told I need to check the mentions, damn this new lingo, considering I am bad with languages I was up for a tough ride. My mentions had a bunch of messages from some wonderful people who then became good friends. Well honestly, thanks to my goldfish memory I dont remember who all were they, but can surely guess who all it could be. I had lost my twitter virginity.

I was given a crash course on the lingo, hugs was called Twugs, CLT = Currently listening to, RT = Retweet and some more. Bro told me a tweep of his is following me, and I thought he meant someone is weeping coz of me. Damn WTF was I thinking, but then I had thought I need to put a T before any word to make it a part of the Tweet Lingo.

The journey had started, over the next few months followed some lovely people, made some awesome friends, learnt about follow friday, gave and was given recos (made me feel special seeing people writing goodness about me), attended tweetups, celebrated birthday on the road with a bunch of great tweeps, twitter was now an integral part of my life. Recently heard somewhere “I may look lonely but I am never lonely” well I could relate to this phrase to the core. Twitter was on 24/7, it grew on me like an addiction and yes I was addicted to this life changing experience.

Life changing as I could speak anything and was not questioned. I could ask anything and was answered. I was getting information before it was flashed on new channels. It made me feel I had some sort of power, like a super hero. I could bash Chetan Bhagat and would see people joining me. For a change I had met people who were smarter than me. Twitter was the new google of my life, google with a ‘personal touch’.

Lately things have changed, yes changed as my thoughts have started being questioned which kind of kills the whole idea of being myself on twitter, but then who cares 🙂

Today after a year, with over 28000 tweets and over 760 followers, and realising how wrong i was in saying that it sucked, after finding that every social media is not like facebook, I am still hooked to twitter, it’s an affair which doesn’t seems to be ending anytime soon. Thanks to my brother that I have company even when the world surrounding me is fast asleep.

Magic in my life!

The Magic Faraway Tree (novel)
Image via Wikipedia

I was in class 4th when I had joined the hostel, you must have read about it in my earlier post ‘meeting my loneliness’. This post is not about my escapades in the hostel. Its about my awakening to the world of  reading, to the world of fantasy and imagination, a world which has been exclusively mine.

Before I had joined the hostel I was unaware of what a library looked like. Strange? Yes, it startles me too when I see the kids now, smaller than what I was then, reading books I read much later. I was a part of a joint family where reading was never encouraged, had never seen anyone reading, except the news paper. So the first day I had walked into the library I was a Virgin to the world of literature. We had a big library with a great collection of books. From the classics to the new world, we had one of the best collection of hindi fiction I have ever come across. Later found that the library was a different world inside the school campus.

I wanted to share the first book I read in my life. A book which I cherish more than any other even today. It was randomly picked by me from the kids section of the library. ‘The Enchanted Wood‘ by Enid Blyton. The Enchanted wood was a series which also had ‘The magic faraway tree‘, ‘The folk of the faraway tree‘ and ‘Up the faraway tree’. The story was so enchanting that it forced me to continue my journey of literary enlightment.

It was about 3 siblings Joe, Beth and Frannie, who had moved to the country side near the woods with their parents. During one of their scouts into the woods  they come across a tree which was so tall that the top branches led to the clouds. They discover that it was the magic faraway tree which was the home to the magical beings like  fairies, pixies and goblins. There was Mr. Moonface who had a face like a moon, Silky the little fairy who was the sweetest most adorable character I have come across,  Dame washalot who would keep washing clothes and throw the water down the tree, the Saucepan Man he wore saucepans, Mr. Watzisname, the Angry Pixie. The top of the tree had a ladder which would lead to the clouds which had magical lands, these magical worlds would keep changing as the clouds would move. There was the land of magic and the land of tipsy turvy, the land of birthdays and the land of goodies, the best was the land of take-what-you-want (the names tells you all). The children would climb the tree whenever they got the permission to get into the woods and would go on an adventure with their magical friends in the magical lands on the cloud.

Whoa!! even writing about it makes me dream, I consider Enid Blyton was the most gifted children author of all times, with an imagination as wild as a child‘s she knew how to make imaginations come alive, simply brilliant. She can give J.K. Rowling a run for her pen anyday. The Enchanted Wood series are the books which I have read like a zillion times and each time I have read it was as vivid as the first time. Its one of those rare books which relaxes me and rekindles the  feelings of creativity and imagination, even in the bluest moment. Its such a fascinating story which for me has been a journey on its own. Had it not been for these books I, reading might not have been a part of my life. I am truly indebted to Enid Blyton for writing such wonderful books which are unspoken masterpieces. I would firmly recommend all you people who like fantasy tingling you and driving through a lane created by you at your own pace, its a must read. If not you then do gift it to your children and children around you.

A loner’s pursuit for happiness !

I have been living practically alone for the past more than 10 years. I think I am a loner, I dont need people around me to live or more importantly to be happy. I was asked if being a loner do I feel lonely. Gave a thought to the question and I think yes even though I am a loner I do get lonely, infact a lot sometimes. After a lot of introspection I realised I wasnt a loner till sometime back, yes I feel I had someone or the other around me always, even though I was living alone I was not alone. But the past year or so life has changed, by change I mean drastically changed. At one time I used to trust people blindly, almost everyone I knew or even met I trusted them. But now I think its kind of difficult for me to do so, circumstances do change people. I dont think anyone is responsible for this, its been entirely my own doings which somehow led me here, my doings which happened probably unknowingly and unwantedly. I have this strange thing in me that I dont remember the bad in people, I forget the bad and remember the good. I know it sounds unrealistic but its true. I forgive people more than people forgive me. Well actually people dont get much opportunity to forgive me, I have never tried to intentionally hurt anyone in life, yes I mean it and I can even state it on affidavit (I am actually not as bad as I appear). There have been instances when I did hurt people but it was never that I wanted it to happen.

I kind of always wondered that if I dont do bad for others why do others do bad to me. But then I realised that this is how you supposed to live, think of your own good and not of others. Its YOU who matters and not others. Does it really work that way? Maybe, but definitely not for me. I always believed that the bad is a part of good, good can not exist on its own. It is the bad that makes the good so good. So maybe the bad that happens is also for the good, there is something lying beyond the horizon which can shine even in front of the shiniest shine.

UNCHANGE THE CHANGE !!

Change, one word which is connected with us from the moment we open our eyes in this weird world. From our inception all that we are asked for is to change, all that people expect from us is to change. We too are a part of the gentry and we too keep trying our best to change everything and everyone around us to suit our own comfort and convenience. But what we always forget is that the same force is working on us, even we are being changed in this changing process. We all believe that change is good, after all this is what fuels the process of evolution. But somehow we don’t realise that this change is mostly not for good.

Its said love should be unconditional, and true love always exist. I think its true and it does exist as its true only when we be what we are and let our partner be what they are. But most of the times we end up changing ourself or our partner and then fall off love. Fall off because the person we loved doesnt remain the same, change takes its toll and so it’s not possible to love this new person who emerges after the changing process.
If we start being ourself and we stop expecting the unexpected from anything and anyone things would be less wrong in life. We all are right in our own ways, in our own perception and understandings. So we should try to understand what we think to be wrong is right for the other, give it a hearing before coming to a conclusion, maybe what you believe to be right might actually be wrong. It is the bit of innocence in us that still keeps some love and smile alive in this rigid world. I always thought that a child is life in its purest form, unfazed by anything good or bad, for the child everything is good and nothing is bad, till he/she learns it or is taught about it.

Change is needed and we can’t live without changing, after all we move to a new day with every step of ours. But we always try to change others and let others change us, I believe that if we try to change ourself and let others change themselves then we surely would love this change as it would be for the good, after all nobody knows you better than you.

‘Knowing or believing’

During one of my travels I had met a bunch of people, we started talking and then we decided to play a game introduced by this guy as the travellers game, a question was to be asked which would have 2 options and every one had to choose one option and reason his choice. We were 2 guys and 3 girls, none of us knew each other from before and interestingly we all were from different countries, different in our nature and culture. Thought the game to be a bit childish, but when we started playing it was insane how our intellect was tingled and how we were different from each other in our thoughts and perspective.

The first question shot was ‘stream or ocean’. 3 people chose ocean, describing it as the symbol of greatness and power, the size and magnitude, the unending and the Ocean’s take it all nature. It was interesting to see the way they compared ocean to life. The other guy chose stream as he felt that the stream had the ability to change and become a river while the ocean was too perfect. I too chose stream and reasoned that it was similar to our lives as it goes through ups and down, straight and turns, and it made its own path. What struck me was that the 3 girls chose ocean while we 2 guys chose stream. It was wonderful how we all were conceptualizing extempore ideas about the same things relating them to our own life.

There were questions like ‘melody or beat’, ‘love or lust’, if suicide was an act of ‘bravery or cowardice’, but the one which particularly struck me was a question by this girl ‘knowing or believing’. Every one chose knowing except Me. All of them had their reasons, kind of similar to each other. For them knowing was what made them believe. Knowing was the existent and factual part of life which made us do things correct and without the knowing belief was nonexistent. One of them actually chose both the options as for her both were interconnected and they together made us move in life.

It was my turn and I was on a fix, as I thought what everyone said did make sense. Afterall seeing was believing and the fact was always supreme. I chose Believing. If I didn’t believe before knowing then all my dreams would had been trash, the fantasies which were factually nonexistent were existing because I believed in them. For me it was the belief which gave me the zeal to know things. Its believing in things which gave me the kick and excitement, as without it the world would be all black and white as it is my belief which adds the colour to this factual world.

It was a wonderful experience to see how we all are unique in our own ways and how our thoughts made us different from eachother.

LEGALLY LUXURIOUS

A year had passed being in the profession, was enjoying being a part of the esteemed and noble profession. Though got to know that there was no nobility attached to it anymore when the banks refused to offer me loans and credit cards, when no one was willing to let out a house on rent to me just for the fact that I was a lawyer. It was insane that people had generalised their thoughts towards a profession. Still for me the feeling of nobility existed when an old man told me that I was like god for him as I had saved his land from being taken away by the government on which there was the only school of the village.

One day I was asked by a senior lawyer if I was interested in doing a case in Ranchi, I was then told that I had to appear for a sitting Minister of the Government of Jharkhand and the issue was regarding his disqualification from the Member of Legislative Assembly as he had gone against his party Whip (order). The case was to be heard by the Speaker of the Jharkhand Legislative Assembly. I felt blessed that I was offered to do this case, an opportunity very few lawyers get.

So I was all in for it, had engaged a Senior Counsel from Delhi to lead me in the matter. We reached Ranchi, the matter was listed in a special court room, made for the purpose of this matter in the Legislative Assembly. The court was full of people, mostly journalists and politicians. The matter was taken up and was adjourned as we needed time to file our reply.

The matter was listed again after a month. A day before I got to know that the Senior was not in a position to go, so the show was all mine. I was sitting in the front of the court room which was hustling and bustling with the reporters and camera men. I submitter that the Senior appearing in the matter has been elevated as a Judge of the Delhi High Court so he could not be present today. I sought time to engage another Senior Counsel and said that it was my privilege to appear before the Speaker and I might be the next one in the queue for judgeship. The court room burst in laughter and people were clapping. I could not even see the Judge as I was blinded by the flash lights of the cameramen. The noise of shutter was louder than mine. The Speaker told me that he would adjourn the matter but since everyone has assembled today I should atleast place my case before the court. After about 2 hours of arguments the matter was adjourned. We got out of the courtroom and I was caught by a mob journalists, questioning me on camera. Next day I was in the headlines of all the local newspapers and channels. Was a proud moment.

The case was listed for the final hearing after a political crisis in the State. The fate of my case would had decided the formation of a new government as the numbers for the majority depended on the fate of my client. We were sure that the case would be decided against us as the Speaker who was hearing the matter belonged to the rival political party. The matter was taken up and was adjourned for 2 days. The Senior Counsel leading me had to leave for Allahabad for an urgent case. Since there was no flight from Allahabad to Ranchi and it was impossible to reach Ranchi by train on time a flight was chartered for him. The matter was vehemently argued by the Senior. The Judgment was reserved and we were on way to the airport. In the airport the Senior told me that I should join him in his flight rather than going alone. It was the icing on the cake. We were escorted on the tarmac by the pilot and the tiny 6 seater Jet was waiting for us to board. We entered the flight and was welcomed by the hostess, one for the two of us 😉 The seats were electronically controlled recliners, It was sheer luxury, though I was a bit scared on the thought of the tiny thing being safe up in the air. The cockpit was open which actually added to the fear. The flight took off and I was called by the pilot to show how they flew the plane, luckily he didnt offer me the controls. After about 2 hours of flight we reached Delhi and a Limousine was waiting to take us to the terminal. Finally reached home and to the end of luxury. The judgment was delivered after almost 6 months, though against us we had still succeed as we had managed to keep it in abeyance at the political crisis. This was one of the unforgettable experience of my professional life.

MEETING MY LONELINESS…

I had been thinking of what to write, and finally after a lot of tussle with my thoughts I decided to share the phase of my life which paved way to what I am today. It’s too difficult to share it in such a short space, can actually write a book on it, so I would be brief and would write it in two parts as I don’t want you all to go through the pain of reading it all at once :).

Was seven when Mom and Dad took me on a drive to a school which was in the outskirts of Ranchi, it had a massive campus, dad had told me its spread on 200 acres of land which I definitely didn’t understand at that time. I just liked the fact that it had huge playgrounds and lots of kids playing. Later realised that Mom and Dad were preparing me for my life changing experience.

1991:     I was 9, looked 6, was driven down to the same school again, everything was same as the last time except that I was wearing the school uniform as I had seen the kids wearing and had a big steel trunk loaded with clothes and things. I was exhilarated and happy about the fact that I would be staying at a place which had so many kids and I can make lots of friends and play all as much I wanted. The idea of being away from the family had not struck me yet. Reached school, I was given a roll number, 842, this was going to be my name for the next 7 years, yes we were called by our roll numbers and not by names. Infact I didn’t even know the names of some of my friends by the time we had passed out of the school. I was shown the room, it had 3 beds and wardrobes, there were no door and windows, it was just open spaces. They said it was not there to check the students from doing anything wrong. Wondered what wrong could I do? Yes I was at my innocent best at that time, unfazed by the good and bad, I was all good and bad didn’t exist for me. I was introduced to my housemaster Mr. Mankad, who was also the school yoga teacher, was the beginning of an informal relationship as I was eventually set to lead the school Yoga team. Mom had organised my wardrobe, made my bed, gave me the last most advises, and it was time for them to leave. I saw them off with a smile; mom had red eyes and was trying to be silent, Dad and Dodo (that’s my bro) looked sad, and were forcing themselves to smile, they left and I kept looking at the car till it had disappeared. I got back to my room, relaxed, met some guys from my batch, had dinner, slept. This was my first day of living alone and away from my family.

Woke up at 3 in the morning and for the first time in life felt what loneliness was, for the first time felt what luxury of being at home was and how much I loved my family. I had tears in my eyes and felt breathless, wanted to cry aloud but couldn’t. I wanted to run back home but knew it was impossible, so wished I could lock myself away from the eyes of everyone, I wished I was invisible and unheard. I didn’t feel like even going out of my room, but had to get into the school routine, which added to the pain. In the afternoon mom, dad and dodo gave me a surprise visit, brought me smile with tears. Later got to know that my room-mate had told the housemaster about my crying, so Mr. Mankad had called my Dad to inform that I was being a cry baby, and they should come and see me. Mom and Dad asked me to be strong and learn things and make friends and asked me never to cry again as they were always around. That was the second last time I cried for being away from home and started the journey of endless adventure and learning and the inception of my new life.

SELF PLEASURE …

I love myself more than anyone else, I think I am always right, I feel I don’t commit mistakes, I am above all. That’s my self obsession, ME ME ME. Was asked if it’s same as self centered? Hmmm after thinking a lot I answered that it was not being self centered. Why? Well even though I was supreme, I somehow cared for others more than me. I know I am talking about a flaw in me, something which I never spoke openly before, something which is irritatingly wrong. Was thinking once and a question came in my mind, isn’t self obsession like enjoying Masturbation more than Sex. Whoa couldn’t really give an answer to myself. I always tried to prove the wrong right just because I couldn’t be wrong. I would want things my way for the reason that my way was the right way even if it was wrong. I then realised that somehow I have got good in convincing people over the time and always succeeded in convincing the one who was right to do my wrong.

I never really met the one who would not get convinced by me, who would stand by his or her obsession. I was getting good in being right always, but then I was getting worse within as I was losing myself in this ordeal. But the ME in ME was so strong that it was difficult to be wrong. But I still had some good in me left somewhere, the little Mr. Good in me, who made me realise the mistakes I commit due to my obsession, and who made me accept my errors. So I would always accept it if I was wrong and would somehow sometime try to realise my mistakes, punish myself, though I would be a little extra liberal in the punishments.

So why am I writing about this, trying to bare the hidden faults of me, making myself vulnerable and porous. Because I realised that all this was making me the Villain in the movie of my life. That small hero in me wanted to execute me, to be brutal with me. Though the tussle between the good and bad in me gave me a kind of sadistic pleasure, as the tryst between the good and bad was often, after all good is always attracted to the bad, I wanted it to end. Why can’t I be good and good, hmm I think we need some badness in us to balance and realise the worth of the good, so there has to be some bad in us, but only some, the good should always be more than the bad. So here I am, trying to change myself, to make my good stronger and be able to make the good and bad in me friends. I have been changing now for a while, I accept more NO’s than YES, I don’t turn my back when I am rejected, I don’t make a sad face when my shot doesn’t hit the target. But why am I writing? As I thought that I can’t succeed alone, after all you all have been my partner in crime, so I need you to get me better. I want my I to change to You. So stop getting conned by me and start telling me my wrongs. Ah yes don’t do it in one go, would kill me, be a little generous on me, after all I am not that bad 🙂 As promised I am barking myself out. WOOF WOOF !!

THE BLACK AND WHITE OF MY LIFE !!

I was always asked what made me become a lawyer, once when asking back why was I asked this question by everyone I was told because I am a first generation lawyer and had entered a profession dominated by the families and was passed on in inheritance. I had thought about the answer initially and didn’t really get an answer to it. So I always replied I became a lawyer because I liked wearing the black and white. Though the fact was that I did miserably bad in my class 12th boards and sat for the entrance test of a famous Law School and somehow got through it. Now after 5 years of being in the profession I realised how much I hate black and white. All the while I was in the law school I didn’t really want to be a lawyer, had always thought of using my new found legal acumen in the family tradition of business. Was always told and believed that being a Marwadi, business ran in the blood and that’s why a course in Business Management was not required. All my beliefs were defeated, I did an internship in the wee end of my Legal Education, only when I realised that I never actually got any education, that’s when I actually wanted to be a lawyer. Yes yes that’s me the confused mind, trying to discover something new all the time, and living in my false beliefs. Finally passed the law School and the world was colourful for a moment when I sent a sms to dad signing it as Advocate Kaushik Poddar. Was a proud feeling and felt like the king of the world, the feeling of being above the law, yes above the law cause they said I was now legally allowed to interpret the insane Indian Laws as I wanted. Insane cause we were told that if a man was raped then he had no legal remedy under the laws. Yes I was expecting that to happen with me and was further expecting that I would be looking for a legal remedy. So that was me after retiring from the law school.

Reached Delhi, was told it was from where the power flows. If Bombay was the financial capital, Delhi was where the power was. Power because this was where the laws were made by the Legislature and interpreted by the Judiciary. We witness it often how our so called rulers make the laws, I feel if it was left all on the parliament then most of us so called general class citizens would have not even been able to get quality education in this country. So this is where the Judiciary alias The Supreme Court of our country comes to our saving, playing a big role in efficient ruling of our country. In the time of Judicial activism practising in the Supreme Court was like being in the middle of the power play.

First day in the Supreme Court, wearing the black and white, felt good in the black suit, neck-band and the robe. Was always a fan of harry Potter and the robe did give the feeling of being in the fantasy land. The feeling stayed only till someone told me that the neck band depicted a snake’s fang. It was the symbol of a lawyer not being anyone’s friend and can bite you which could be fatal. Damnnn, it somehow shattered all the proud feeling. Back to the Supreme Court, it felt like being in Antarctica in the middle of herds of Penguins, sans the chill. I was requested by a senior if I can go to the Employees Provident Fund Appellate Tribunal to seek an adjournment on his behalf. He told me that I can mention before the court that the counsel appearing in the matter was on his legs in the Supreme Court (on his legs meant that he was standing and arguing before the court), so he could not be present before the Tribunal, as such the case maybe adjourned. Tarikh pe tarikh is what came in my mind, Sunny Deol was all I could think of, till I realised that I didn’t have a dhai kilo ka haath to break the table. So I reached the Tribunal and mine was the 2nd case in the list. The lawyer who was appearing in the case before me made exactly the same prayer what I was told to make, though his case was adjourned I could see the Judge was not too happy about it. My matter was called and I was speechless before the court. I was repeatedly asked to start my case, and after a moment of silence I spoke, “My lords, the counsel who has been appearing in the matter is suffering from viral fever, so he could not be present before the Hon’ble Court, therefore it is requested that the matter maybe adjourned for a short date”. It was only after I had said that I realised I did something wrong. The Judge spoke, “Viral fever?? Even I am suffering from Viral Fever and I am attending the court, if I can be here why can’t your lawyer be?” I honestly had no answer to it, was standing dumb, first appearance in a court and I was being royally screwed. The Judge then asked me to start the case as he would not adjourn it. All I could say quietly was ‘What the Fuck’. But after a lot of pleading the Judge told me that he would adjourn the matter but only if tell him what the case was about. So the bit of reading of the file that I had done helped me, told the court about the case in a cracking voice and the matter was finally adjourned.  Was also given a nasiyat by the Judge that I should always be prepared for the case even if I was seeking an adjournment (follow this even today). Felt as if I had conquered something, but realised I was actually raped and I had no remedy. Told the lawyer proudly that even after all the ruckus I had managed an adjournment. He gave me 500 rupees, my first income from the profession. I wrote the date and his name on it and thought I would keep this forever, still have it with me.

From that day till now, after numerous cases the cracking voice has gone, the eyes now meets the eyes of the Judge, though the feeling of conquering still remains, the black and white had started feeling hot and heavy. After being a part of the profession day and night, I met the good and ugly side of it (I can say its more ugly than the good). Had clients who touched feet and thought me to be god and had clients who said that they had killed by mistake and would pay anything to escape punishment. They say it has become a money-making business and didn’t have the nobility attached to it. Tarikh pe tarikh does exist but there is no Sunny Deol screaming and breaking the furniture in the court room (I just realised I am getting obsessed with Sunny Deol by mentioning him in all my posts). It is way more professional and refined than those in the movies, and hindi doesn’t exist in the court. Thats another irony, we being primarily a hindi speaking nation, been ruled by the English, its English which is the official language for the working of the Apex Court. What I do is interesting and has a special respect and aura attached to it, but at the end it does gets monotonous and sick. Yes sick cause I know deep in my heart that what I do is always not good. Does feel like running away from it sometimes or to do something else, but the madness of this profession pulls me back. It is like impossible to get out of it. But the restless me would find a way out if needed, but right now the exits are closed. Had heard this joke in the college, ‘arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig, in the end you realise the pig actually enjoys it’. So now it has also got difficult to argue with myself, never get a conclusion yet I enjoy it. Woof Woof !! 🙂